Am I responsible for everything my child does?
Previous night while putting Veer to sleep, a thought crossed my mind… Its just we who need to teach or even a child can teach us?
I just became a parent. Everything is so new. My body feels different and my room smells different. My mind is filled with so many thoughts. I feel responsible. Also, I feel in charge of something that I just created and I am already making plans in my head for this little one.
I have no free time, either I am busy changing diapers or feeding my little one. I feel like I am doing the same thing on repeat. Am I happy? Am I sad? I think I have stopped caring about myself. All I can think about is my baby.
I am already thinking of books that I must read to him. Likewise, I am planning what activities I can try to engage him. I feel like I have to decided everything for my baby.
A lot of us go through this. I feel all of us as mothers feel this way at some point. The degree of control and ownership keeps increasing with time. Do you agree with me?
We start to give our kids labels such as fussy eater, stubborn, cranky, fussy, not focused, outdoor baby and so many more. I feel that these labels are incorrect. These labels arise as a result of us wanting them to behave and act a certain way. These labels happen because we force them to do activities that they don’t enjoy, eat food that they don’t like, be indoor if they wish to be outdoor, etc. There behavior is indeed a consequence of our desires and actions.
A small experiment which shows that our child can teach us!
As parents we are always focused on teaching our kids. In this process of teaching our children we forget about our learning and growth as parents. We get a feeling that we know it all. We feel like now our role has changed from being a learner to being a teacher. Yes! It’s true that parents are children’s first best teacher. However, remember that a teacher must always continue to be a student/ learner. The process of learning must never stop.
Today, I want you to join me in an experiment.
This is an experiment of learning.
I want you to submit yourself completely to this experiment.
This is going to be an experiment for just one day.
You need make a few assumptions and follow a few rules if you want to get the correct results.
Let me list the assumptions for you-
- You are not your child’s teacher today.
- You are not responsible for your child’s behavior.
Now I will list the steps and rules that you need to follow-
- Today you cannot give any instructions to your child.
- You cannot force your child to do anything such as homework, activities, reading, etc.
- Today you will have to stay calm.
- You will have to pretend that your child is your teacher and you have to speak with them with respect and patience.
Now that you know the rules for this experiment, its time that we start.
I have tried this experiment a number of times. The first few times I failed. I broke some rules and hence I got the wrong results. However, after a few attempts I could finally conduct this experiment.
In this article, I am going to share with you the results from my experiment. Honestly, the results were better than I expected. I learnt so much in just one day.
At the end of the day, I realized that my child can teach me so much. My child is not just a power house of energy and enthusiasm but also an amazing source of inspiration and direction.
I am going to share with you what I learnt. However, the results could be different for you. I encourage you to go through this experiment with your child and see the results for yourself.
What did I learn; Why I think even a child can teach us!
It goes without saying that you can learn so much from your child. It is true that every child is unique.
But there are some golden lessons that a child can teach us.
These are the 7 things I learnt –
Children are born curious
All kids are born curious. They have an eagerness to explore, discover and figure things out. Children have an internal desire to seek new experiences, feel different textures and learn new things about people and objects around them. They are like little explorers trying to discover and engage with the world around them.
This is something that we start to lose as we grow old. Don’t we?
Children are very persistent
I am sure most of you have noticed this! Kids will keep trying and stick with things even when they are very frustrated and the task becomes very difficult.
If they want an ice cream, they will keep crying and insisting till you see yourself tearing your hair or end up buying them one.
Where does all this energy go as we become old?
Children are focused
Kids will keep looking at things that interest them with an unwavering attention. They will not think about hundred things at one time. When they are with their toys they are hundred percent with their toys, they are not thinking about eating an ice-cream then and when they are eating an ice-cream they are only focused on enjoying the ice-cream.
Don’t we start to think of multiple things to do and finish as we grow old?
Kids can teach us how to be unbiased
Children are free from any bias and prejudice based on color, creed, religion and bank balance. Our little ones have a pure heart and a clear mind. They only wish to spend good quality fun time with their friends and family.
They don’t make friends based on their skin color, religion and nationality.
If you are still like this, then that’s great.
Kids are honest
Children are very honest about their emotions and feelings. You can look at them and tell if they are happy or sad. They don’t know how to manipulate, lie and play mind games. They are super honest and transparent.
Do you think you can still say these things for yourself?
Kids can teach us to get pleasure from small and simple things
Children enjoy simple things like mud, playing catch & throw and running outdoors.
They don’t care about fancy toys and expensive holidays. They don’t even care about branded clothes and showing off big cars. All they want is a happy nurturing environment.
This changes as we grow old. We start to derive pleasure from materialistic things such as expensive clothes, big houses and branded merchandise.
We start to overlook the real pleasures of life that we get from the simple things that surround us.
Do you agree with me?
Children have complete clarity
Children have absolute clarity about what they want.
They know that they want their mother when it’s bed time. Likewise, they know what toys they like, they know what food they enjoy and they know what makes them happy. They have complete clarity and only do things that gives them happiness.
This is something that we start to lose as we get distracted by the noise around us.
We struggle to get clarity about “what truly makes us happy”, “what is it that we should do?”, “what is the best profession for us?” and take much longer time to make the best choices for ourselves.
I also went ahead and made a small video after the experiment. This video is a great reminder that our children are special not because we made them and love them but because a child can teach us so many golden lessons.
Aren’t these kids phenomenal? Don’t you think that even a child can teach us?
I really encourage each one of you reading this to go through this experiment for just one day.
I am sure you will definitely feel transformed and happier as a parent.
You will feel like you have been blessed with not just a child but a teacher for life.
Parenting is truly about raising ourselves and learning first.
Parenting is not just about feeling responsible and in charge of our little ones.
I am waiting to hear from you the results of your experiment.
Please leave a comment and tell me what is the biggest life lesson that your little one taught you.